Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

I fight on since Cubby cannot

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In case you didn’t know, there’s a new James Bond movie, Skyfall, in the works. I love James Bond. I’ve loved him as far back as I can remember (I’m a Roger Moore girl). There are few sane people who know or care about the character and his many iterations as much as I do.

I’ve read all the books and seen every movie, on average, probably a dozen times. I have a playlist for all the theme songs and individual ones for the scores to my favorites. I know all kinds of non-crucial information about the series, like that the company that originally owned the rights to Bond was called Danjaq after the wives of the founders. So, when people question my Bond expertise, I get pretty riled up.

Who would do such a thing? Who would so foolishly test me on one of the few things about which I am actually extensively knowledgeable? Spaniards, that’s who. Arrogant jerks.

The Incident happened a few years ago when a Spanish acquaintance of mine told me, to my face, that I was being completely ridiculous since “everyone knows” that Bond’s number is cero-cero-siete [zero zero seven]. I wasn’t able to convince him that he was utterly, completely and in every possible way wrong (Spaniards are stubborn bastards too), but now I have the supercut to prove it. Behold, every instance of someone saying “double-oh” in the 22 James Bond movies to date.

The moral of the story is to always watch movies in the original version. Dubbing is just plain bad, robbing actors of their performances, and can make you a total jackass when you’re confronted with someone who’s seen the real deal.

And Josep, “¡Toma!

UPDATE: It’s come to my attention that unless you’re as big a Bond fan as I am, you don’t know that Albert “Cubby” Broccoli was the movie producer responsible for bringing my favorite spy to the big screen. Now you do.


Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

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