Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

Unexpected happiness

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For the past few years, one of the things that’s made me really happy has been Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review, the podcast of the BBC 5 show. I eagerly await the availability of each week’s episode and am incredibly sad when they go on holiday and I have nothing to look forward to. If you like movies, pedantry, silly inside jokes or weird insight into British culture and sport, I can’t recommend this podcast enough.

Mark Kermode (the film guy who’s easily riled) reviewed What to Expect When You’re Expecting last week (he thought it was pants) and got into a discussion with Simon Mayo (the presenter/sane half) about the book on which this filmed abomination was based. Simon said he’d never heard of it and that he learned everything he needed to know before the birth of his children in an “anti-natal class.”

Of course, I realized less than half a second later that he’d said “antenatal” but I would prefer a world in which things like anti-natal classes exist. (I don’t like babies).

This made me think of one of my ex-roommates, who I call China Pig for reasons that I may go into some other time. When I moved in with her, I didn’t know that she was an incredible slut, basically sleeping her way around Barcelona trying to find some guy to marry her.

I think one day we were talking about how my BFF got knocked up which led to a general discussion about pregnancy (I’m also opposed to this) and babies in general (I seriously don’t like them) and the possibility of motherhood (I vote no), etc. During one of my little rants against unplanned pregnancy, she said something like, “Oh, I totally agree. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to take an anti-baby pill.”

It turns out that, at least among a certain group of Spanish women, RU-486, aka mifepristone, aka The Morning After Pill, is known as “la pastilla anti-baby.” Even I found this to be incredibly crass, which isn’t easy since one of the things I really like about the word crass is that it has “ass” in it which I find appropriate and amusing. Given this, China Pig was a total nightmare, but at least she had the decency (selfishness) not to inflict more of herself onto the world. For that I am thankful.


Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

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