Turns out they’re not so English, much as bagels aren’t really American. Not to belabor the issue but crumpets are totally another thing and are indeed “English.”
Found these at Monoprix which is a chain of very nice grocery stores that have like a small Target in them.
They’re on the less-good side of okay, and they certainly aren’t like Thomas’. That recipe is totally worth protecting since they’ve got a good thing going’ over there.