Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

CCC soup (cauliflower, corn, cheddar)

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Vegetables are basically the worst. They’re a pain to buy, to clean, to cut, to cook and to keep. In a perfect world, I’d never eat them* but in this world, I recognize that they contain vitamins and minerals and are healthy blah blah so I do. Sometimes.

The one thing veg has over meat is that it comes in pretty colors. Take a look at this recent haul from my green grocer. It’s like a box of crayons!

But then the tedium sets in and I find that although the very small eggplant and the very skinny eggplant are very pretty shades of purple, they are stupidly boring tasting and have a kind of poster board consistency. All the garlic and oil in the world didn’t make them even mildly interesting which is a crime against garlic.

And then there were the peppers. I was totally seduced by them and got a red, a green and a little white one and had no idea what to do with them. Since the weather’s nice and cool now, I thought a soup would be the way to go, but that meant another trip to the store to get a main vegetable (see how annoying they are?!).

So I went with cauliflower, which I really don’t like because it gives me gas and is super duper annoying to clean and cut. But I did it. Diced the peppers and threw them in a pot with some onions, garlic and oil. Cooked for a while. Tossed in a whole head of chopped cauliflower. Cooked for another long while. Realized that the colors weren’t as pretty as I wanted so I added a can of corn. Kept cooking till the cauliflower was done and then I just let it cool overnight on the stove because I was exhausted.

The next day, I melted some butter in a pot, added a dash of Ranch powder and some flour, stirred, then added milk until I had a nice little creamy consistency. Put the veg mix in the blender until smooth. Added one serving of mush to the pot and stirred until combined, seasoning to taste, which, I admit, was pretty good.

But not great. Which is when I hit on adding cheddar to the top and that made this a damn fine dish to eat on a cold day.

To sum up, the amount of things I had to clean after this little culinary caper:

  • Cutting board
  • chef’s knife
  • Dutch oven
  • metal spatula
  • small pot
  • blender and all its annoying pieces
  • assorted cutlery

Total. pain. in. the. ass.

*Potatoes, while technically vegetables, don’t count. I would eat them forever.


Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

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