Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

Pharmaceutical phull circle

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If you know what this is, you have an old person in your life.

This is exactly the model I had. A whole month of drugs fit in here.

If you don’t know, it’s like an advent calendar for sick people. You put all of your pills in the corresponding window to make sure that you know when you have or haven’t taken your medicine.

I had one for almost ten years, during my twenties, to get a handle on the FIVE pills I had to take daily just to be able to walk around. This excessive dosing was to cope with the insane allergies I suffered while living in DC. Honestly, the place was built on a goddamn swamp which is a sure sign that it wasn’t supposed to be populated, but that’s where my job was, so multiple doses of antihistamines it was.

When I moved to Spain, one of the things I was really looking forward to was getting off my meds, but that proved to be a poor decision. The climate there almost exacerbated my condition even more, but the drugs were stronger so I only had to take three a day.
Through all of this, I held on to the dream of a drug-free life. My arrival in France meant another attempt at not being so doped up all the time and I succeeded. For months, I only took a regular pill to control what my dictionary says I can legitimately call “the curse” and that was it.

A less-bad day

Until The Knee Incident happened. Now, I’m taking prednisone (steroid), an industrial antacid (to protect my tummy from the steroid), an anti-inflammatory and a pain control thing (as needed) in addition to my daily pill. Were you counting in your head? I didn’t need to because I can visualize them in my hand every morning: there are four if it’s a good day, five if it’s not.

So, I’ve come full circle and relearned a lesson that I really should have gotten through my thick head long ago: the universe hates me and/or it wants to keep me heavily medicated so that I can’t anticipate what it’s going to do to me next. Well played, universe.

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Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

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