Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

Inside a Spaniard’s mind


Warning: generally speaking, you don’t want to be aware of the inner workings of a Spanish person’s mind because that shit will corrupt you and make you into a bad person. (I’ve mentioned before that they’re assholes, but as a populace, they’re also criminal.)

And yet, it can be instructive, illuminating and interesting to glimpse what the hell is going on in there. One of the most intriguing things I’ve read in a long time is this story about the leaked phonetically written speech given by the mayor of Madrid. I read the transliteration first, keeping in mind the Spanish rules of pronunciation and accessing my memories of how they e-speak the Inglish, and it took me right back to a place I never wanted to be again. But it was still fascinating.

how do you esay?

On a related note, my own mother is always complaining about how poorly [enter name of prominent Spanish person, especially a politician] speaks English and I always have to ask her what damn country she’s been living in for most of her life as Spaniards are habitually among the WORST English speakers in all of Europe.

Another terrifying look into the Spanish mind comes courtesy of a court ruling which was apparently inspired by that one episode of HAPPY DAYS where Potsie and Mouth are living together and get in a fight. Their solution, prompted by advice from Richie, is to draw a line down the apartment so that they don’t have to deal with each other anymore. Well, a judge in Sevilla has ordered a couple to do basically the same thing since they claim they’re too broke to actually file for divorce. (The weirdest thing about this story is that it happened in Sevilla, was reported from Paris and quotes a Catalan lawyer. Something very fishy going on there, but I can’t figure out what.)

Just ’cause three is a magic number, here’s a little Vanity Fair profile about my king’s penchant for women who are not his wife and how his whole family is scandal-bait these days.

Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

4 thoughts on “Inside a Spaniard’s mind

  1. I thought only the French very bad English speakers so I guess they are in good company with the Spanish! (Suzanne)

    • By the way, I remember using the phonetic technique to help English people deliver short speeches in French when they weren’t fully bilingual. It does help but this one seems to also incorporate the Spanish accent into the phonetic which makes it very funny! (Suzanne)

      • I think the phonetic method is great to use, especially since most people haven’t studied the IPA, but my concern here are how poorly this is done. Many of the English words are incorrectly split in her transcription (i.e. not on a syllable), making her effort moot.

    • I like to think that the French just can’t be bothered. The Spanish, I happen to know, are too ashamed to try.

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