Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

London Loot 2: It Came From Under the Thames!


A Cadbury sampler that looked like this recently made its way into my hands all the way from London.

Cadbury Snowman sampler

I was really excited because all of these chocolates have featured in at least one British story I’ve read, like The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole or the “Bridget Jones” books and I’ve always been mildly curious about what fictional characters fixate on. (General tip: Don’t read the most recent Bridget Jones — it’s dreadful.)

Anyway, with the exception of Easter-time Cadbury Creme Eggs, Cadbury hasn’t really made any impact on the US candy market and, after taking a bite of each of these things, I know why. America already has one crappy chocolate brand (Hershey’s) so they don’t need to import another one.

Crunchie: tastes like a Whopper (the malt ball, not the burger) but long instead of round. Decent but significantly loud.

Dairy Milk: very thin, totally boring regular milk chocolate bar. Comparable to Hershey’s in every (bad) way.

Caramel: the caramel itself was nice and appropriately gooey, but this Cadbury chocolate is just not worthy.

Crunchie: it certainly was. The chocolate surrounds a substance that looks like hard bath foam and tastes even less good.

Flake: this seems like a mistake invention like Teflon or Post-its. Unlike either of those two things, this needn’t exist.

Fudge: this almost gets a pass because I generally don’t like fudge.

Chocolate Buttons: nothing to recommend.

the noidIn conclusion: I don’t know what they’re all on about. Awarded this site’s lowest ranking, The Noid.

Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

5 thoughts on “London Loot 2: It Came From Under the Thames!

  1. This is called a selection box. It sounds as if the dairy milk is similar to the bar which used to be sold for 1d. Bigger bars might be more to your taste with pieces which are intended to be broken off and eaten individually.
    Personally, I prefer dark chocolate and Cadbury’s Bournville, named after the location of the factory, is delicious. Sue

    • You make a good point re: thickness. Really thin chocolate doesn’t do anyone any good. I’m a milk-lover in all things though, so milk chocolate is always my preference and I think we get a stuck with wider range of badness. Dark at least always tastes like cacao.

  2. Cadbury used to sell in Canada but not much anymore I think. I never liked milk chocolat so don’t really like Cadbury. Give me dark chocolate (75 to 80%) anytime and I am in heaven.

    • People who prefer milk chocolate really suffer compared to dark chocolate-lovers. That being said, I think there must be something wrong with everyone in the world that the national brands in the US and the UK are so bad. What’s the classic Canadian chocolate? (I hope it’s alliterative!)

      • Good question…I don’t think we have any specific brands that are Canadian. We get a mixture of British & American bad milk chocolates…Cadbury almost disappeared from being sold in Quebec because they closed their factory years ago and the people boycotted their products but you can still find it in the rest of Canada. We also get Hershey. But we also get good quality chocolate from France, Switzerland & Belgium…so we do have alternatives.

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