Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

God Bless America, Part 3

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Prepping for my trip stateside, I proceeded to make lists. If I didn’t have my notebook handy, I’d fire up Any.do, the free app I use mostly for grocery shopping. I usually type in things that the app doesn’t recognize, like chix, which is my abbreviation for chicken, or ous, which is Catalan for eggs. So when I started to type in an item that I love, I was certain it wouldn’t autocomplete. I was wrong.

I don't know what "crunch back" is.

I don’t know what “crunch back” is.

Sadly, Cap’n Crunch’s Oops! All Berries is a limited-time cereal and wasn’t available from FreshDirect or Target.

Happily, when I got to my brother’s apartment, there was a box of the stuff in his cupboards. After recovering from my yell of surprise and contentment, I asked him what in hell it was doing there. “I saw them at the store one time and I thought you liked them but I forgot to mail them. It was a long time ago.”

Looking at the top of the box, the package indicated that the contents had indeed passed their sell-by date several months earlier. (Like, a whole lot of months.) Knowing that the contents were 100% chemical and that the only thing that could possibly happen to them was that they’d start degrading by half-lifes (apparently the correct plural of “half-life”), I opened it up. And ate a couple. And the eating was good, so I poured some into a bowl and washed them down with my Nice! milk. And I ate the whole box over ten days and it was glorious.

Even the milk in America is friendly.

Even the milk in America is friendly.

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Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

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