Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures

I bet he sounds just like me on the phone.

INT. PLACE OF BUSINESS, PARIS — DAY

2 Comments

GIRL is at work. The PHONE rings. She grabs it, answering the call.

GIRL

Blah, Blah and Co. This is Girl.

SILENCE on the other end of the line. GIRL is annoyed. Recently, she’s been getting a lot of breathers on the phone.

GIRL

Heh-low?

There is a long pause, but GIRL hears someone there, hitching their breath tentatively.

GIRL

Hello?

A WOMAN responds in French.

WOMAN

Oui? Allo?

GIRL

Bonjour, madame. Je peux vous aider?

The rest of the conversation continues in French.

WOMAN

But! But you speak French!

GIRL

Yes, of course. Can I help you?

WOMAN

Well, why did you answer in English?!

GIRL

You’ve called an American company, ma’am. Our clientele speaks English therefore so do we. How can I help you?

WOMAN

But! Well, where are you?!

GIRL

I am in Paris. And you?

WOMAN

*I* am in Paris!

GIRL

Excellent. As this is the case, I may be able to help. Were you calling to get information about the services this company provides?

WOMAN

This is all very confusing. You speak French, you are in Paris and yet you answer the telephone in English. It’s all very irregular.

GIRL regrets that she was annoyed at the possibility of another person just breathing down the line at her. The day has just begun and there are so many hours yet to work.

Author: le cul en rows

I'm an American Spaniard, living in France. I like to tell stories.

2 thoughts on “INT. PLACE OF BUSINESS, PARIS — DAY

  1. Do you get robocalls (i.e. robotic calls) over in France? I can usually figure one out really quickly if I say “Hello” and then I hear a clearly robotic voice respond to me in a very generic way (also, there is no tell-tale sign of background noise) and then I don’t respond right away. I think legally they have to hang up after a specific amount of time of no response, so it’s always fun to make them do so.

    • I haven’t yet gotten any yet, though in Europe there are more stringent rules about direct marketing, etc. I’d actually forgotten those things existed.

      I am getting a ton of breathers though. It may be neighborhood kids or just English-language fetishists. (Those have to exist, right? I mean, I’ve seen A FISH CALLED WANDA a million times and that Wanda sure loved hearing other languages…)

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