Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures


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Burger King came to Paris

The hottest eating establishment in Paris for the past few months has been an unlikely one: the Burger King in the Saint-Lazare train station. The American chain pulled out of France in 1997 after the competition, McDonald’s and the Belgian QuickBurger, proved too tough, but they finally came back in December of last year.

The first time I tried to go, I honestly could not comprehend what I was looking at. There was a huge line — over a hundred people long — outside the main doors. A glance inside revealed a more compressed line with more people all crowding the ordering area. I decided to come back another day.

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Second attempt, same story. I still couldn’t figure out what was going on. If the people had all been expats, I might have understood (recall the madness of Chipotle‘s opening), but these were definitely French people, most of them young, urban types. And they were waiting ages to get into a Burger King. In Paris.

When I got home, I did some research. One blogger reported that the wait to order was 90 minutes. At Burger King. In Paris. She listed many problems with the layout and conception of the space which I hadn’t been able to see since I had been so freaked out by the sight of so many people waiting to go in a Burger King. In Paris.

She very intelligently noted that since most of these people had never been to a BK before, they didn’t know what to order, but you couldn’t actually see the menus until you were at the spot from which to order. Additionally, the menu was mounted near the ceiling but if you were standing in front of the part with the salads, you couldn’t read the one with the burgers or sides or desserts. A total fail, design-wise. Also, people seemed to enjoy just hanging out in the space instead of allowing their tables to be occupied by the newly be-Whoppered.

I decided that the third time would be the charm and can report that the maxim that 3 is the magic number held true. By this time, a couple months after opening, the people behind the operation had gotten wiser, installing an additional eating area out in the concourse, as well as a cordoned-off waiting line. There were also security / bouncer types (at Burger King. In Paris.) who waited until people had left before letting in new groups of 10-15 people.

I went mid-afternoon and was in the outside line for less than 5 minutes. I was behind three very smartly dressed French business types and couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the hell they were doing there. I could have asked, but honestly, this whole thing was so weird to me that I felt like I was in some kind of parallel universe / daydream state.

Once inside, the crush of people was overwhelming. Everyone was taking photos of the space and selfies and texting their friends that they were actually in the Burger King.

I took a pic too but it was for journalistic reasons!

I took a pic too but it was for journalistic reasons!

Finally at the counter, I ordered what I’d been getting at Burger King since I was a kid: a Whopper Jr. with cheese combo. Since I’d made “a special order” I was asked to wait. (Apparently having it my way isn’t part of the French way.) There was no space to the side so I was squeezed between two scrums of people placing orders. The experience was unpleasant.

When I got my tray of food, I hightailed it out to the concourse because it was super loud inside the BK proper. My first reaction was that the fries looked like they were cut too thick. The first bite proved me right. Not good. The burger looked all right and I eagerly bit in. The bread tasted like it had been frozen and treated with some kind of chemical. I still can’t figure out what it reminded me of, but it was also not good. It had a weird undertaste, like when you bite a piece of tin foil.

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Food snobs at this point are probably thinking something like, “What do you expect it to taste like? Burger King is all processed and chemical! If you want something good, eat in a real restaurant!” To those people, as usual, I say, “Shut up.” I went to BK expecting to get BK and I got a much lesser product. My little expat heart had been craving a very specific taste for weeks, one that I’ve eaten hundreds of times before. I wanted to have that same experience, to travel through time to the favorite BK of my youth, to the one my boyfriend and I used to go to, to the one in Kenmore Square in Boston, to the one in DC where I’d go when I was hungover. I wanted that and instead I got something that looked like all the other Whopper Jrs. I’d eaten but didn’t taste like one at all.

the noidVerdict: Don’t go to the Burger King in France. If you are in Paris, take advantage of being in Paris and eat good food. If you’re homesick, go to McDonald’s — the meat is actually better than in the US — and the fries are just like you remember them.

Would you like to know more?

  • Sortir À Paris had an avant-première.
  • A great photo accompanies a report about the immediate success of BK.
  • The free Métro paper, 20 minutes, has a video.
  • An interview with a social anthropologist who studies consumer behavior on BK in France.
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All the cheeseburgers I ate in New York

The first one is my traditional first-meal-back Shake Shack Shackburger but I was so hungry, so tired and so excited to eat it (and the shallot-n-cheese covered hot dog) that the picture came out terrible.

2013 Shack Burger 1

The second was a fancier pub style burger at 67 Burger which was also covered in shallots.

2013 Burger 2

The third and fourth ones were also from the Shake Shack, all from different locations. Upper East Side was first, then the original and best spot, Madison Square Park, and finally the Upper West Side (the least good one).

A good cheeseburger is my favorite thing.

Learn how it’s done

It makes me sad that most non-Americans think that McDonald’s sells a “classic” burger. Even for a fast food chain, they don’t make good burgers (I prefer Burger King in that race) but there are many, many different kinds which you can read about here. Some of them are among the best things to eat in the world. I like griddle burgers — meat that’s seasoned and slapped on a hot flat-top, causing it to get a crusty sear on the outside and provide lots of nooks and crannies for cheese to melt into. Mmmm, melted cheese on meat.

Obligatory SNL link

C’mon! It’s a classic! For a historical note, the cheeseburger bit was inspired by Chicago’s Billy Goat Tavern. When I was stationed in that city for three months, I worked near the location said to be favored by John Belushi.


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Barcelona real estate

Watching people running around Barcelona and saying deep things like, “Can you imagine living here and seeing this every day?” got me thinking about what living there every day was actually like. The apartment situation was bad. Really bad. So bad that it was a joke used in marketing.

"Bigger than your apartment. Texas BBQ Whopper."

“Bigger than your apartment. Texas BBQ Whopper.” (March, 2006)

So bad that people planned protests (like this one in the fall of 2006) about how hard it was to find affordable housing.

"You're never going to own a house in your whole damn life."

“You’re never going to own a house in your goddamn life.”

Of the many things I don’t miss about Spain, the living conditions are near the top. (The heat would probably be my number one.)