Le cul entre les deux chaises

An American Spaniard in France or: How I Learned to Make an Ass of Myself in Three Cultures


I’ll be taking my business elsewhere, thanks

I actually walked in here one day and told them their sign was wrong and they told me to get lost since they knew better.

Bussines Center

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Saturday Special: how may we hate you?

[IMPORTANT PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: Tomorrow, Sunday March 30, is when Europe springs forward for Daylight Saving. Remember to set your clocks ahead an hour before going to bed. We now return to your special Saturday programming.]

Please join me in laughing at my new favorite thing on the Internet, how may we hate you?, the Tumblr run by two Times Square concierges. It was one of Tumblr’s most viral blogs of 2013, but I don’t spend a lot of time over there, so I just came across it. It’s like my Spanish screenplay crossed with even ruder people who don’t speak English very well.

Here are two of my favorite posts.

How May We Hate You Ass tour How May We Hate You Maria

I’m even willing to forgive the mis-capitalization of español because a) I am not a monster and b) these people are clearly doing God’s work by putting up with such assholes.


No shit, Sherlock

Here’s one of the signs in a new campaign to get French people to pick up after their dogs. (We previously agreed to call this poodle, non?)

The shit doesn't fall from the sky.

“The shit doesn’t fall from the sky.”

As you can tell, this sign is ENORMOUS. What you can’t see is that there are more versions posted every half block to make sure the point is really driven home. We’ll see if it makes a difference.

Cultural Differences

“Poodle” in public walking spaces is a nuisance and should be the responsibility of the canine’s owner. This being said, I never picked up after my own dog when I had one. This is because my dog was the best of his species and would take himself out for walks and return, usually 20 minutes later, and scratch on the door. It helped that I lived in an area where there were practically no fences or sidewalks, but his ability to self-regulate was still unheard of and super convenient.